How to Stop Watching Porn Forever

If pornography is something that has gone from casual curiosity or fun to something you feel like you can’t possibly go without, it’s time to change your lifestyle. It can feel intimidating--even impossible--to stop watching porn forever, but you can do it. We'll discuss some important things to keep in mind, as well as some action items to try, as you work towards overcoming pornography.

If you’re trying to figure out how to stop watching porn forever, you’ve come to the right place!

What If I’ve Tried to Stop Before?

The reality of it is, porn is designed to trap your brain. Everything, from the way the websites are set up, to the content of the videos themselves, is designed to form powerful habits. So, even if you’ve been struggling with pornography for a while, it doesn’t make you a lost cause. The road might not be all sunshine and daisies, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it.

The feeling of freedom that you’ll achieve once you’ve stopped watching porn forever will make all of your effort worth it.

Here at Relay, we believe that you can’t simply cut out pornography and then voila! be totally free and healed. Instead, you need to alter the way you live your life to fill your time with healthy, positive things, instead of just letting yourself numb out by watching porn and masturbating. It sounds like a tall order, but you can do it!

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Getting Started

Let’s discuss some ways you can get on track to stop watching porn forever! There are some elements of recovering from a pornography habit that require giving more specific mental attention to your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and some that are a little more simple.

First, we’ll discuss some mental steps to take, and walk you through some examples. Next, we’ll talk more about some more action-oriented steps. But remember, in order to change you behavior, you need to change your mindset. Don’t skip a step just because it seems too vulnerable or too easy.

The Importance of Mindset

Why do you want to stop watching porn forever?

Take a moment and be honest with yourself about why you feel you need to do this.

• Are you sick and tired of feeling guilty and ashamed?
• Are you trying to live a life that aligns better with your religious values?
• Are you trying to heal a cherished relationship?

It’s important that you truly want to stop watching porn forever, and that you stay connected with the reason why. A famous quote, most often attributed to German existential philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, sums up why this is. It goes:

“A man with a sufficient Why can endure almost any How.”

And it’s no secret that porn is tough to quit, especially if you're trying to quit it for good and be done forever. But if you have a “sufficient Why,” then you’ll be able to do it. Maybe write down what your motivation is. It might be something like I want to heal and grow my relationship with my spouse; I want to be a better follower of God; or even something as simple as I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I see.

Stop Watching Porn Forever: Your Mind's Role

Think about the kind of person you’ll be able to become once you free yourself from watching porn all the time. As you get your mind ready to take the right steps towards quitting porn, you’ll be one step closer to becoming that healthy, positive version of yourself!

Before Step One: Getting Rid of Shame

This might sound crazy at first, but hear us out.

Guilt is a natural feeling that we experience when we’ve done something wrong. Guilt leads us to apologize, own our mistakes, and change for the better. Shame does not do this. Shame is the feeling that makes you want to hide your problem with pornography and never tell anyone about it.

Shame often stems from a sense of inadequacy or self-disapproval (like when you know porn is bad but you feel like you can’t get yourself to stop watching it or thinking about it). Shame is toxic. It can erode your self-esteem and keep you stuck in self-destructive behaviors, like consuming pornography. Shame leads to isolation, as you may withdraw from important friendships and relationships for fear that they’ll find out about your porn problem, and judge or reject you. And, most dangerously, shame can prevent you from getting help.

Trust us when we say you are much better off without shame ruling your life. Notice when you feel shame, what it feels like, and what triggers it in you.

How do I get rid of shame?

1. You are not alone!

‍First of all, it’s important to understand that you are not the only person in your life to be struggling with watching porn.

In fact, when researchers Solano, Eaton, and O’Leary surveyed a large group of people who spent a lot of time on the internet, they found that approximately 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women reported that they had consumed pornography within the last month.

Pornography problems can feel isolating, but the fact of the matter is that you are not the only one with this problem.

2. Stay in touch with reality

‍Next, it’s important to stay in touch with reality. Don’t blow your pornography issue out of proportion—it’s concerning, but it’s only one part of you.

In a real-life example, a person that we know was talking about his “addiction to pornography.” It totally changed the way he saw himself, damaging his self-esteem, harming his relationships, and leading to the development of some serious mental health issues. But when we sat down and looked at his numbers with him, this individual was viewing porn and masturbating, on average, only once every 57 days. Most people would kill for a clean streak that long!

In order to get rid of the shame keeping you from getting help with pornography, please be honest with yourself about how much porn you’re really consuming.

Keeping in touch with reality as you work to stop watching porn forever will help you to make faster, more sustainable progress in your recovery.

3. Talk to others in recovery

‍Another way to get rid of shame is to talk to others with porn recovery experience! They can help you know what to expect, as well as giving you tips and advice. An online support group for people in recovery is a great place to find people who are a little farther along on the trail than you are.

Here at Relay, we’ve created a unique porn recovery experience where you’re put into a group with a few other individuals who know exactly what you’re going through. And then you work on your recovery as a group, getting advice and encouragement from each other, as well as holding each other accountable.

Researching what porn addiction is, what it is not, and how others have stopped watching porn forever can help you as well. The blog we’ve linked here is a great place to start!

Stop Watching Porn Forever: Action Items to Try

Now that you’ve 1) determined your Why for overcoming porn, and 2) been able to (hopefully) identify how shame affects you and commit to getting rid of it, we can jump right into some actions you can take to get on the road to freedom from compulsive porn use!

1. Get Some Help

Due to the personal and high-stakes nature of pornography, it is vital that you involve someone who knows more about recovery than you do. A therapist who shares your values could be incredibly helpful, as could an online support group, or even a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, if you feel that the problem has gone that far. Find therapists near you here!

Once you’ve found the right therapist or in your Relay group, be honest! It’s never easy and comfortable to talk about pornography, but it’s also rarely as scary as we let ourselves believe it will be.

2. Identify and Avoid Your Triggers

Take a moment to identify the time of day when you watch porn, even if you didn’t originally want to.

Now, identify what mood you’re most often in when you give in and watch porn.

Are there certain feelings or stresses that you’re using porn to numb instead of dealing with?

These things are your triggers. Make a plan for what you WILL do when you find yourself feeling that way, instead of just going back to porn. The key is to replace the negative behavior with a positive one.

For example, if you wrote:

I usually give in and watch porn when I’m feeling lonely, or when I come home from work/school absolutely exhausted. If I’m really stressed about how much homework I have, I watch porn to lessen my stress.

Then your plan to avoid those triggers could look like this:

If I’m feeling lonely, I’ll call my best friend, even though she lives far away. If I find myself absolutely exhausted after work/school, I’ll go for a walk or cook a healthy dinner instead of watching porn. If I’m stressed about how much homework I have, I’ll go to a study group or the library and get it all done, instead of wasting my time watching porn.

Make sure to share the plan you made with your therapist or Relay group, and have them hold you accountable to following it. You may not get it perfectly right every time, but having a plan is better than just letting yourself watch porn every time you feel an urge to.

3. Be Open with the People Who Care About You

This doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone you know that you’re trying to stop watching porn forever, but it does mean selecting a few trustworthy friends or family members and letting them know of your goals. Set specific times where they can ask you questions or follow up on your progress.

Make sure to set healthy boundaries for them and yourself, so that your relationship doesn’t become all about your pornography problem. Your therapist or Relay group can probably suggest some boundaries that could help. A good one is the one we’ve already mentioned: setting a specific time to chat about porn, and saving questions for that time and that time only.

Taking time to connect with the people you love has been shown to help in recovery. And you don’t even have to talk about your goal to stop watching porn! Simply being around people who like you and care about you will help you to want/watch pornography less. So go hang out with your friends!

4. Be Patient

As you try to stop watching porn forever, it’s important to understand that you won’t get it perfect right away. You might slip up a few times—or a lot of times—before you’re completely free from pornography, but remember that it’s about your direction, not your speed. Healing isn’t linear, but as you do your best to stop watching porn, your life will be filled with more joy, connection, and positivity than you thought possible.

We believe in you! It might not be a walk in the park, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Remember to get rid of shame, get some help, identify and avoid your triggers, be open with those who care about you, and be patient with yourself as you do your best to stop watching porn forever. You can do it.

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