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How To Help Someone With a Pornography Addiction

How To Help Someone With a Pornography Addiction

If you find yourself in a situation where a friend or loved one is struggling with a pornography addiction, you may feel helpless and unsure how to help. Chances are, you either stumbled upon something that clued you into their addiction, or you noticed some changes that have made you realize something is up.

Best case scenario? You are a trusted ally; they came to you to confide in you about their problem and are looking for your help.

Regardless of the reason, you are in a position to help. We have some ideas of how you can support someone struggling with this compulsive behavior. Whether it's simply a bad habit or a real addiction, this is scary! You can be there for them in their time of need, but it’s important to remember that you are not a mental health professional.

Though you may not be able to offer professional help, you can still be a support and a friend. Helping someone with a porn addiction can be difficult, but some strategies can be useful.

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What Is Pornography Addiction?

Porn addiction occurs when people cannot stop looking at pornography, no matter how hard they try or how much they want to. As with any compulsion, it eventually reaches the point where a person’s pornography consumption interferes with daily life, relationships, and even work and career.

It's easy to see how pornography has become such a widespread issue in recent years. It is easily accessible and usually right at our fingertips. Almost everyone nowadays has a cell phone that they can keep relatively private, making it an easy problem to conceal from others.

For the most part, gone are the days of a shared family desktop computer. A habit that might have been easily noticed and curtailed before it became too problematic is now allowed to blossom and grow into something untenable.

Still, not everyone agrees with the legitimacy of pornography addiction. Some mental health professionals don’t recognize it as a legitimate diagnosis.

During the development of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), experts suspected the existence of a diagnostic addiction known as "hypersexual disorder," which also included a pornography subtype. However, reviewers concluded that there was insufficient evidence to include hypersexual disorder or any of its subcategories in the DSM-5.

Despite the lack of an official diagnosis protocol, there’s no doubt that pornography has a hold on people throughout the world. Regardless of whether it is an official diagnosis or simply a consuming compulsion, the effects can cause harm.

What Are The Signs of a Pornography Addiction?

Active addiction is not always easy to spot. Addiction typically involves a lot of guilt and shame, so people are not always forthcoming about their problems. Still, there are some signs that pornography is becoming a problem.

Keep an eye out for some of these warning signs.

  • You have caught them watching porn on multiple occasions.
  • You have caught them in a lie about their pornography-watching habits.
  • When you bring it up, they get defensive and lash out.
  • They seem to have lost their sex drive or attraction. (You might only realize this if they are your significant other).
  • They are neglecting their responsibilities.
  • They are spending more and more time alone, especially in private settings.
  • They are calling out of work regularly or increasing the number of times they are calling out of work.
  • They are spending a lot of time or money on porn.
  • You share a computer, and the history is always empty.
  • They continue to use porn regardless of any negative effects, such as lost work or relationship problems.

How Can I Help a Loved One Struggling With a Pornography Addiction?

Though there is no silver bullet when it comes to destroying the pornography urge, there are ways that your loved one can get help. It can start with you! We have some actionable ideas of how you can support them in their time of need.

1. Educate Yourself

The fact that you’re reading this is a good sign. You want to be armed with as much information as possible as you embark on this journey. Learn what you can about pornography addiction and how to combat it.

2. Talk to Them

Tact will go a long way here. You need to approach this issue firmly and honestly, but consider their feelings and how best to approach the situation. Be gentle, but don’t beat around the bush or mince words.

Try “I” statements, like, “I am worried about you, and I’m concerned that you might have a problem with watching pornography. Is everything okay?”

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

When someone you care about is struggling with addiction, it can be easy to forget your own needs. Setting boundaries in terms of what you’re willing to accept will be helpful to you as well as to them.

Take care of yourself and remember that you cannot cure them of their addiction; you can only be there to support them.

4. Encourage Them To Seek Therapy

The best place to start is with a therapist with some experience in sex addiction or pornography addiction. Even though there are no official diagnosis criteria in the DSM-5, there are therapists who go against the grain and believe in the reality of porn addiction.

These therapists are called CSATs, or Certified Sex Addiction Therapists. Seek out AASECT (The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified therapists. They will be able to help guide your loved one in figuring out their triggers and how to cope with them constructively.

5. Listen. Really Listen.

It can be hard to handle someone with addiction, especially if they are close to you. If it is your significant other, it can be even more difficult because although addiction is a disease, it can still feel like a betrayal.

Please try to be open-minded and listen to them as they talk about their problems. The more you can listen, the more you will be able to help.

6. Reassure Them That They Are Not Broken

Many people who suffer from addiction (of all kinds) begin to feel fairly hopeless. Chances are, they have tried to quit multiple times. If not completely, they have probably planned to cut back on watching porn. They have probably tried unsuccessfully repeatedly and may feel like there is no hope.

Let them know that this is a really, really difficult thing to kick. Because of the social stigma associated with addiction and the additional social stigma associated with pornography, it’s something people don’t talk about. Let them know they aren’t alone and they can heal.

7. Help Them To Find a Support Group

Talking to a group of people about a porn addiction might sound like a nightmare, but in reality, it can be incredibly helpful. If that group of people knows what your friend is going through, they will be able to make them feel heard and feel like they have someone in their corner who understands. There are local and online support groups available.

8. Stick With Them Through the Tough Times

Though some people think quitting an addiction is as easy as going to a rehab center or getting help from a psychologist, it’s really not that simple. Addiction relapse is common, and some consider it part of the recovery process.

Chances are, recovery for your loved one won’t be in a straight line. Be there for them even when they fall, especially when they fall.

9. Take Care of Yourself

It’s common for those caring for addicts to become wrapped up in the struggle. Avoid codependency--remember that you are your own person. Though it is amazing and selfless that you are willing to help them, their problems are theirs, not yours. It's perfectly alright to only give what you are capable of giving. Avoid stretching yourself too thin.

In Conclusion

There is so much you can do to help a loved one, but the most important thing is to be there. Be a listening ear, and help support them every step of the way. You can help guide them to the right path; through support groups, therapists, and the like.

And make sure to take care of yourself too. Taking care of someone with an addiction is not easy, but you can do it.


Sources:

How to Talk to Someone About Porn Addiction | SAGU

Pornography Statistics | Enough is Enough

Harmful Effects of Pornography | Fight The New Drug

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