3 things to know about porn addiction

There’s a lot out there about the topic of porn addiction, but here are the most important things to keep in mind if you or someone you know are navigating these stressful waters:

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1. You’re probably not clinically addicted to pornography (unless a doctor said so)
2. You need outside help to quit watching porn
3. There’s no perfect, easy way to quit porn addiction, but connection is key

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Let’s dive deeper into each of these three points and see what you should do about this issue--whether it's simply a negative habit you want to be free of, or if you feel like you're in the camp of needing to quit a porn addiction.

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1. You’re probably not clinically addicted to porn (unless a doctor
said so)

Good news! You don’t have a true, clinical porn addiction, or at least there’s a high likelihood that you don’t. You should actually feel good about that; know that unless you’re doing the porn equivalent of smoking three packs a day, you are not an addict, and you are not chained to this. You can climb out of this – there is light at the end of the tunnel.

We’ve talked with several porn recovery therapists about this, and one thing that frustrates them the most is people think they’re addicted to porn and look at themselves as an addict when... they’re not. They won’t even use the term “porn addiction” because the vast majority of people who say they have a porn addiction are self-diagnosed. One therapist told me he loves to ask, “Who told you that you’re addicted? Which doctor did you talk to?”

A more clinically accurate term might be “unwanted pornography habits” or “sexual compulsivity”. For the purposes of this article, I’ll continue to use the term “porn addiction” instead of the long clinical term, but now you know
what I mean. Reframing it in your mind might be a good first step to combat it! You likely don’t have a porn addiction, and don’t treat yourself as an addict who can’t change.

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2. You need outside help to quit your “porn addiction”

Maybe you’ve tried for some time already to quit porn addiction. If it just keeps coming back, know that you’re normal and you’re not the only one; the vast majority of people are not able to up and quit porn addiction right when they make the decision.

Porn isolates. That’s inherently what it does. You don’t show it to anyone, not even a partner or spouse (who might otherwise be your most trusted confidante), you typically don’t talk about it, and it keeps you by yourself in the dark corners of the internet. X That isolation creates a vicious cycle, with loneliness and lack of true loving connection fueling more porn addiction.

With that in mind, the best way to quit porn addiction has to come from outside yourself. To quit porn addiction, you need to make connections with others.
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3. There’s no perfect, easy way to quit pornography, but connection is key.

Just like weight loss and hair treatment, there are all kinds of programs out there that say they can help you quit porn addiction quick and easy. With all the people I’ve seen go through the porn addiction recovery process, that is not the case. There’s a reason why people assume it’s an addiction — it seems like you just can’t help but come back to porn.

People try a lot of different things, but of the methods that work, connection is always a core element. Whether it’s connecting with a support group, a therapist, a church leader, a friend, or all of the above, it’s that act of coming out of isolation that can ultimately help you quit porn addiction.

The Relay app is a great example of the power of connection to overcome porn addiction. People are matched into support groups of other people working to quit porn addiction, and they set goals and work together to stay accountable to each other. Other great programs include in-person 12-step groups, church groups like Pure Desire Ministries, and secular resources like NoFap groups. Commit to yourself right now to try something today; connect, get out of isolation, and quit “porn addiction”!

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