I Can't Quit Masturbating - What Do I Do?

Your sexual behavior should be a joyful choice, never a compulsion.

If you feel like you can’t quit masturbating, even if you want to, then you’ve given up your choice. One of the most beautiful parts about human sexuality is that we can choose when it is and isn’t appropriate, and then use that sexuality to strengthen bonds between spouses and partners.

Feeling like masturbation is something that has slipped out of your control is scary. If you feel like you can’t quit masturbating, you may feel disturbed, guilty, or even ashamed. This can be a sign that you’ve strayed from being able to make your own, clear-minded choices, and fallen into a bad habit, or even an addiction.

In this article, we’ll go over some things you can do to quit masturbating, and we’ll talk about why you may not have been able to quit in the past. The more you understand about yourself and your habits, the better equipped you’ll be to make lasting changes, and live a life that aligns more with your values and your potential for a happy and positive life.

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What To Do If You Can’t Quit Masturbating

In an article about excessive masturbation, the Mayo Clinic said,

“Complusive sexual behavior tends to get worse over time without treatment, so get help when you first notice a problem.”

As we address some tactics you can try to stop masturbating, pat yourself on the back for looking online for help. It’s tough to be vulnerable with yourself, but we can promise that trying to change will be well worth it!

Self-Honesty is the Best Policy

As you set off on a journey to try and quit masturbating, it’s important that you be honest with yourself, and understand that quitting is a process that might take some hard work. Don’t let yourself get bogged down if you continue to have slip-ups as you work towards quitting.

Remember that no one is perfect on the first try.

Take a deep breath, and evaluate the realities of the situation. Think about how often you are masturbating. Maybe even take a second to write it down. Think about what is motivating you to quit. Think about the kind of person you’ll be once you’re able to quit masturbating—regardless of if you currently feel like you can or can’t.

Get Help As Soon As Possible

If you have tried to in the past, and now truly feel like you can’t quit masturbating, it’s time to reach out for help. Thankfully, there are a host of resources available to you. Therapy is always a great option, as are online support groups.

Here at Relay, we’ve created a group-based recovery experience, where you’re put into a group of people who understand exactly what you’re going through, and then you and these friends work on your recovery together. It’s a little bit more anonymous, but still offers great opportunities for connection and science-backed recovery advice. Plus, it’s always a relief to talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel.

No matter which route you choose, it’s incredibly important to get help if you feel like you can’t stop masturbating, even if you’ve tried. This could be a sign of habit or addiction, both things that can have an incredibly negative impact on your life.

Identify and Avoid Triggers

This part is important. You need to be aware of what triggers your desire to masturbate. Take a moment and write down the situations, times of day, or moods you find yourself in where you generally end up masturbating, even if you didn’t originally want to.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• What moods usually trigger a desire to masturbate?
• What time of day do I usually end up doing so?
• Am I using masturbation to deal with other emotions or situations that I don’t know how to process?
• Am I using pornography as a masturbation trigger?

Once you’ve found out what triggers you, do your best to avoid these triggers. If you are the most tempted late at night, try going to bed earlier. If you masturbate when you’re alone and feel stressed out, go be with people you care about when you feel stressed out!

Replace Negative Behavior With Positive

It’s important to find positive behaviors to do instead of simply trying to cut out masturbation.

When we cut out something negative, it leaves an empty hole in our time. You need to find something positive to replace masturbation so that you don’t return to the habit out of boredom. Fill your time with activities that are enriching and exciting.

If you’re having a hard time coming up with other behaviors to replace masturbation—whether it be to help you deal with stress, shake off boredom, or get to sleep—ask your Relay group! Odds are there will be someone whose been working on this for a little longer than you have, and they may have some pro tips to share.

You can find more tips and tricks to help yourself quit masturbating here.

What If It Isn’t Enough?

Still can’t quit masturbating? We might have a little more work to do.

If you’ve implemented these practices in your life before and haven’t been successful, it may be a sign that you’ve strayed out of a bad habit and into the territory of a behavioral addiction. But don’t worry! Even if you are addicted to masturbation, this isn’t a death sentence.

The Realities of Masturbation Addiction

Below are listed some of the Mayo Clinic’s qualifications for masturbation addiction (called “hypersexuality disorder” in a clinical setting). While considering if you are actually suffering from behavioral addiction seems intimidating, it can actually be incredibly helpful as you start your recovery.

As you read the questions below, be honest with yourself as you consider whether or not they apply to you.

• Are masturbation, sexual fantasies, or pornography consumption taking up a lot of your time?
• Do they feel like they are beyond your control?
• Do you feel a lot of tension before masturbating, feel a little better afterwards, and then get hit with a wave of guilt, regret, or shame?
• Have you tried to stop masturbating before without success?
• Do you keep masturbating, even if it’s risky, and/or causing problems? (Problems like doing so in inappropriate places, or at times when you shouldn’t, causing harm to your genital area, causing tension within relationships, spending money on pornography, or masturbating without feeling any real pleasure.)
• Are you masturbating to deal with other feelings? For example, depression, loneliness, anxiety, or stress.
• Have you been having trouble keeping and maintaining healthy relationships that feel stable and safe?

If you could answer yes to most of these questions, it is a sign that your inability to quit masturbating may be a symptom of a behavioral addiction.

Am I Addicted?

While having an actual masturbation addiction is fairly rare, it’s still important to consider.

Recognizing and acknowledging a behavioral addiction is an important first step towards reclaiming control over your life and well-being. You can do it! Denial or isolation might feel like the best choice, but these will only perpetuate your masturbation problem, often leading to steeper consequences than you may have bargained for.

When we admit to having an addiction, we open the door to seeking help, support, and treatment. It's a courageous act that allows us to address the underlying issues driving the addiction and work towards recovery. Being open with your therapist, support group, and those who care about you will speed your recovery, even if you do feel that you’re addicted to masturbation.

Acknowledging addiction and trying to get help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and self-awareness, paving the way for personal growth, healthier choices, and a brighter future. It's a fundamental first step towards healing and breaking free from the chains of addiction.

Benefits of Quitting Masturbating

While it may not be an easy process, learning to stop masturbating can help you live a much better life. Having the self-control to make sure that expressing your sexuality is a joyful choice, instead of a compulsion or an action you feel like you can’t control, will benefit your life in ways you might not even be able to currently imagine.

When the road to quitting masturbating gets hard—especially if you feel that you may actually be addicted to this behavior—focus on the reason you wanted to stop in the first place. Was it for your relationship with your spouse or partner? Was it to live a life more aligned with your religious beliefs? Was it simply to be the best version of yourself you could be?

As you do your best to quit masturbating, it may be helpful to keep in mind some of the benefits of quitting. Here are a few!

Freedom From Guilt and Shame

The most evident benefit of stopping masturbating is relief from the burden of guilt and shame you’ve been carrying. Guilt and shame color the way we see ourselves, leading to lower self-esteem, which is a catalyst for a host of mental health complaints. You can be free from that!

You deserve to live a life free from guilt and shame, where you can see yourself in the most positive possible light!

Better Relationships

As you learn to stop masturbating, you will need to rely on the people around you. Here at Relay, we’ve found that some of our closest and dearest friendships came from us being honest and vulnerable about what we were struggling with.

Learning to lean on those who love and care about you doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you a person. Turning to your parent, friend, spouse, or significant other for support in your times of stress or struggle—instead of trying to cope with it alone through masturbation—will strengthen bonds and lead you to happier, more fulfilling relationships.

Conclusion

The simple truth is that you deserve to live a life of happiness and positivity, a life that is worthy of you! You may see yourself as a failure, or a gross person, for having a problem with masturbation, but that is not the case. Everyone has struggles. Feeling like you can’t quit masturbating is something that is holding you back from living up to your best and happiest potential.

We here at Relay believe you can do it! It might not be easy, but the life of freedom you’ll be able to live once you quit a masturbation habit will be so incredibly worth it!